What I Hate about Marvel’s Inhumans
What I Hate about Marvel’s Inhumans
First off, I was all ready to love this show. The Inhumans regularly showed up in Fantastic Four comics, and they were always kick-ass.
But, my gosh, how awful this show is. I actually have to use categories to organize what I hate.
Characters:
The Inhumans were terrific in the comics. Powerful. Utterly disdainful. Wildly unpredictable.
In the TV show, not so much.
Medusa
• In the comics, Medusa had long red hair that could pick up things, people, cars, and fling them around at will. In the TV show? They cut her hair off in the first episode. From 60 to zero in ten seconds.
• She’s supposed to be a queen, but she’s actually a jerk. Scientist-lady is trying to help her, but she treats scientist-lady like dirt. Clue: You can be a queen without stepping all over people.
Gorgon
• He’s supposed to be this elite warrior commander. But he got his butt kicked in his only actual battle, and by one of the soldiers that he himself trained.
• Gorgon can stomp one hoof and flatten everything around him. So, why does he do all the martial arts stuff where he gets his butt kicked?
• So far, all the elite warrior commander has done is wander around carrying the body of this poor doofus who tried to back him up.
• And whine that he doesn’t know where it was he was first set down on Earth. Dude, you were there! Who would know better than you?
Black Bolt
• His voice can kill, so, yeah, his is not going to be a major speaking role. But he could unleash that voice maybe once per episode, just to remind us that he’s one of the most powerful Inhumans, and not just a poorly dressed mime.
• He’s also supposed to be the king. But when he escaped from the bad guys in the last episode, not only did he NOT check to see if any of his people were injured, but he scurried away like brave brave Sir Robin.
Karnak
• Still don’t know what his power is. I’m tempted to say it’s holding envelopes to his forehead.
Crystal
• Aka, the Sansa Stark of the Inhumans. As Queen Jerk’s younger sister, she’s a Princess, in every sense of the word. Clueless about what’s going on around her. Only interested in herself. Demands others take care of her. Never thanks anyone. This is the reason I stopped watching Game of Thrones after 4 seasons.
• She has powers over heat and cold and could easily defeat or kill Maximus. But, instead, she runs away with her dog.
Lockjaw
• Speaking of whom, I love the giant teleporting dog. Yes, my favorite character in this show is the dog.
Trite and inconsistent writing and plot
• In the comics, the Inhumans were completely unpredictable. They marched to their own drummer, and you never knew what their motivations were. But in the TV show …
• Medusa has never been on Earth before, but she knows how to handle a handgun. She shoots out the tires of a pursuing police car, from another moving vehicle. That’s a super power in itself.
• Also, she’s never ridden in a car before, but she knows how to stomp on the gas pedal to force scientist-lady to go faster.
• Scientist-lady is one of those people who can tap into satellites to find missing helicopters. You know, like any computer-literate person can do.
• The very first human Crystal meets is a Dude who, of course, falls in love with her.
• Crystal’s giant dog Lockjaw was injured by the Dude. The Dude's friend, Vet-woman, says, “Let’s put him in my truck.” Dude and Crystal look smug and say, “He’s in the barn.” Vet-woman is startled to see a gigantic dog in the barn. Um, how did Crystal and Dude get Lockjaw to the barn? His motorcycle?
• Dude and Vet-woman used to go together. So, get ready for all kinds of Awkward Situations and Romantic Triangulation. Please ...
• Whenever anyone is looking for anyone else, all they have to do is glance at a TV: a news report of whoever they’re looking for will be on the screen.
• Karnak found himself among pot-growers, and Pot-woman instantly fell in love with him, seduced him, and gave no thought whatsoever about how all this would affect the other 2 pot-growers she was previously involved with.
• Pot-guy-1 was so jealous of Karnak and Pot-woman that he … killed Pot-guy-2. Huh?
• Similar to Medusa, Black Bolt has never been on Earth before. But he gestures at another character's wedding ring to indicate his wife. Because all species on all planets wear wedding rings, right?
Anyway, I hate this show so much.
Hopefully, it will be better when I watch it this week ...
First off, I was all ready to love this show. The Inhumans regularly showed up in Fantastic Four comics, and they were always kick-ass.
But, my gosh, how awful this show is. I actually have to use categories to organize what I hate.
Characters:
The Inhumans were terrific in the comics. Powerful. Utterly disdainful. Wildly unpredictable.
In the TV show, not so much.
Medusa
• In the comics, Medusa had long red hair that could pick up things, people, cars, and fling them around at will. In the TV show? They cut her hair off in the first episode. From 60 to zero in ten seconds.
• She’s supposed to be a queen, but she’s actually a jerk. Scientist-lady is trying to help her, but she treats scientist-lady like dirt. Clue: You can be a queen without stepping all over people.
Gorgon
• He’s supposed to be this elite warrior commander. But he got his butt kicked in his only actual battle, and by one of the soldiers that he himself trained.
• Gorgon can stomp one hoof and flatten everything around him. So, why does he do all the martial arts stuff where he gets his butt kicked?
• So far, all the elite warrior commander has done is wander around carrying the body of this poor doofus who tried to back him up.
• And whine that he doesn’t know where it was he was first set down on Earth. Dude, you were there! Who would know better than you?
Black Bolt
• His voice can kill, so, yeah, his is not going to be a major speaking role. But he could unleash that voice maybe once per episode, just to remind us that he’s one of the most powerful Inhumans, and not just a poorly dressed mime.
• He’s also supposed to be the king. But when he escaped from the bad guys in the last episode, not only did he NOT check to see if any of his people were injured, but he scurried away like brave brave Sir Robin.
Karnak
• Still don’t know what his power is. I’m tempted to say it’s holding envelopes to his forehead.
Crystal
• Aka, the Sansa Stark of the Inhumans. As Queen Jerk’s younger sister, she’s a Princess, in every sense of the word. Clueless about what’s going on around her. Only interested in herself. Demands others take care of her. Never thanks anyone. This is the reason I stopped watching Game of Thrones after 4 seasons.
• She has powers over heat and cold and could easily defeat or kill Maximus. But, instead, she runs away with her dog.
Lockjaw
• Speaking of whom, I love the giant teleporting dog. Yes, my favorite character in this show is the dog.
Trite and inconsistent writing and plot
• In the comics, the Inhumans were completely unpredictable. They marched to their own drummer, and you never knew what their motivations were. But in the TV show …
• Medusa has never been on Earth before, but she knows how to handle a handgun. She shoots out the tires of a pursuing police car, from another moving vehicle. That’s a super power in itself.
• Also, she’s never ridden in a car before, but she knows how to stomp on the gas pedal to force scientist-lady to go faster.
• Scientist-lady is one of those people who can tap into satellites to find missing helicopters. You know, like any computer-literate person can do.
• The very first human Crystal meets is a Dude who, of course, falls in love with her.
• Crystal’s giant dog Lockjaw was injured by the Dude. The Dude's friend, Vet-woman, says, “Let’s put him in my truck.” Dude and Crystal look smug and say, “He’s in the barn.” Vet-woman is startled to see a gigantic dog in the barn. Um, how did Crystal and Dude get Lockjaw to the barn? His motorcycle?
• Dude and Vet-woman used to go together. So, get ready for all kinds of Awkward Situations and Romantic Triangulation. Please ...
• Whenever anyone is looking for anyone else, all they have to do is glance at a TV: a news report of whoever they’re looking for will be on the screen.
• Karnak found himself among pot-growers, and Pot-woman instantly fell in love with him, seduced him, and gave no thought whatsoever about how all this would affect the other 2 pot-growers she was previously involved with.
• Pot-guy-1 was so jealous of Karnak and Pot-woman that he … killed Pot-guy-2. Huh?
• Similar to Medusa, Black Bolt has never been on Earth before. But he gestures at another character's wedding ring to indicate his wife. Because all species on all planets wear wedding rings, right?
Hopefully, it will be better when I watch it this week ...
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